Today's song fits in so many ways. Right now, in our third week of quarantine, there are a lot of things and people I am missing...going out to dinner, my friends, my family, work, my students, etc., etc., etc., but today is also a very special day. On this day, April 2nd, 1941, my father George Myers, was born. It's almost 11 years since he's been gone and we are all still missing him. Rest in peace dad. I still miss you!
On my way home from work yesterday, I put on my ABBA playlist, just because I can never go too long without listening to them, and suddenly this song came on. I heard it like I've never heard it before. You see, yesterday was two months since we lost my sister Chrissy and she'd been on my mind all day. Without even really paying attention or knowing why, I began to cry, and I cried all the way through the song, my sobs ebbing and flowing all the way until the end. The release was something I needed.
Chiquitita, tell me the truth
I'm a shoulder you can cry on
Your best friend, I'm the one you must rely on
You were always sure of yourself
Now I see you've broken a feather
I hope we can patch it up together
As I moved on through ABBA Gold, a sense of relief came over me. My heart's been mending and the tears in the car were the first I'd shed for her in a few weeks. I guess I was afraid the sorrow had dissapated and I admittedly have been feeling somewhat guilty about it. But it's still there...I'd just put it on the back burner, as I'm supposed to.
Moving on is a conscious decision that needs to be made, because halting one's life entirely is no way to heal. It's important to keep living, and still equally important to never forget. My sister lives on in my heart and in my mind, and even though I've been feeling a lot better than I was even a month ago, I know there will be days and moments, like yesterday, that will bring her spirit rushing back and the sorrow will visit me again. That's how it's supposed to be! No guilt because there is no reason to feel guilt. The way I've been dealing with her loss is normal and healthy.
Chiquitita, you and I know
How the heartaches come and they go and the scars they're leaving
You'll be dancing once again and the pain will end
You will have no time for grieving
Chiquitita, you and I cry
But the sun is still in the sky and shining above you
Let me hear you sing once more like you did before
Sing a new song, Chiquitita
Try once more like you did before
Sing a new song, Chiquitita
After listening to a few more songs, I found myself returning to Chiquitita. As I read through the lyrics this morning, I realized why the tears had come so out of the blue. Yeah, the sad anniversary brought Chrissy into my consciousness, but it was the lyrics that brought me to the release of my tears. In many ways, she was Chiquitita, and I know that in many ways she was so sad and so quiet, with little hope for her own tomorrow, but she is dancing once again and her pain is gone. In a way, that makes me happy.
I remember watching P!nk on VH1 Storytellers talking about the meaning of this song. Before that I had always thought that it was about a lost love, which is what is may seem from the lyrics, but that wasn't it at all. She said she'd written it for a friend she had in high school, one of the school jocks, who'd accidentally died from an overdose. She continued to say that over the years, whenever she performed the song, the person she thought about and for whom it became would change as various people in her life passed away, her grandmother, her friend, even her dog. Well, today I'm borrowing that song for my sister as we say goodbye to her for the final time. It's going to be a difficult day. Sigh!
Just a couple of weeks ago, my sister Chrissy asked me if I'd like to go with her to see Alanis Morissette in June and when I said I would she got so excited. It was, in both of our minds, something to look forward to and hopefully something that would make our relationship that much closer. She loved her family and I think she carried a lot of guilt for what she thought was a disappointment to us. In reality, she never fully realized that through all of the troubles, we loved her back unconditionally anyway.
I chose this song for today because too many people, including my sister, don't always learn from their life's mistakes and only repeat them over and over to the same result. I've always prided myself on learning from my experiences and though I know it can be difficult, oftentimes not learning from them can lead to a tragic ending. So please, the next time you make a mistake in your life, take a step back and look at what you did and why it was a mistake, and learn from it. It could only make your life a better one! Peace!
I woke up this
morning, as I do many mornings, with a song in my head.Only the tune that landed in my head today
was related to what was going to happen in just a little while.The song, “Papa Was a Rolling Stone”, by the
Temptations opens with the lines I’m still hearing now as I write this:
“It was the third of
September.
The day I’ll always
remember,
Cause that was the day
my daddy died.”
Today George Myers, my
father, passed on, and I awoke this morning knowing that it was going to
happen.We’d been dreading it for four
days now, knowing that any hope of survival was near zero percent.From the moment he was taken into the
hospital, we were told that he had gone far too long without oxygen and that
his brain was no longer functioning.As
the hours and days passed, we knew this was the one time he wasn’t going to
beat it.
We’d decided late last
night to remove the support machines keeping his body alive, but we had to put
it off for today because one of us was unable to be on hand.It was an unpleasant situation, to say the
least.We all wanted to get past this
anguish.And having to wait until
morning, waking up with the knowledge that your dad was going to die, is just
too odious a circumstance to be in.
Twenty eight years
ago, my dad was diagnosed with Diabetes.At first, none of us had been too familiar with the disease, but what we
did know it was controllable one if you followed the guidelines associated with
the having the condition.In the
beginning, dad was great about it.He
quit smoking.He stopped drinking.Changing his dietary habits, though, proved
too difficult for him and this allowed this debilitating sickness to attack his
body slowly and steadily for so long.
Early on, dad’s
kidneys began to malfunction and he was sent to undergo dialysis treatments
three times a week.He was placed on a
list for a kidney transplant.I hadn’t
known what dialysis was at first, and I don’t wish to speak of it here, but I
know from dad’s experiences that it is not pleasant.
As is common with
diabetics, one problem invariably leads to other problems.To make things easier for his dialysis
treatments, his doctor placed a plastic shunt in his arm.I recall almost immediately there were infections,
blockages, and other problems associated with the multiple shunts that were
eventually placed within his arms.These
problems foreshadowed the more serious and painful things to come.I can’t possibly recall the numerous problems
dad’s experienced over the years, but here are some I remember:
-While
working in a local supermarket, a 2 liter bottle of soda fell off a shelf and
landed on dad’s big toe.An infection
began to materialize.That was in May.By August, the infection had gotten so bad;
he had to be hospitalized for over six weeks.It was the first time we thought we were going to lose him, but he
persevered and eventually pulled through.
-A little
over ten years ago, dad got a call that a person with a donor kidney had passed
and he needed to get to the hospital ASAP.In what turned out to be his happiest hospital stay, dad’s surgery was
successful and he got to spend Christmas with the greatest gift he’s ever received.Dialysis was now a thing of the past.
-About two
years ago, dad began to have trouble hearing in his right ear.It was soon discovered that he had a massive,
benign tumor growing on his cerebrum.With
his state of health, surgical treatment was not an option, so he underwent 39
radiation treatments.Soon after the
treatments had finished, his hearing improved once again, but his new kidney
had begun to fail.In what turned out to
be the beginning of his end, dialysis treatments once again became a necessity.
-A more
recent infection on his foot hadn’t been responding to treatments.Intravenous antibiotics were no help as
circulation problems were preventing the medicines from reaching the infected
site.A surgical bypass on his leg was
ordered by his vascular doctor.During
pre-surgical testing, though, a blockage was found in his heart and a resulting
angioplasty put off the vascular bypass.The cardiac procedure was successful, and he was released from the
hospital with the infected ulcer still oozing and painful on his foot.
-Two weeks
ago, and six weeks after the angioplasty, dad was brought back in to the
hospital for the original vascular bypass to help fight the infection, which
had gotten so bad that he had developed tendinitis in his Achilles tendon which
prevented him from walking anymore.He
had had to give up his job and his car, which crushed him.This surgery was successful, and the
infection had begun to heal.
These episodes
represent only a fraction of the seemingly countless health-related issues dad
has had to contend with.Late night
phone calls became all too familiar.Every time there was a new emergency, the situation led from a dire to
insignificant, a false alarm.Dad took
each case in stride, with rarely an utterance of complaint, even through two
toe amputations (Though he always hated the needles!).We became too used to these episodes,
expecting the same result each time.We’d
lulled ourselves into a belief that dad was a fighter who’d always bounce back
and be around for years to come.But it
wasn’t meant to be this time.
The day after dad came
out of the hospital, he experienced this episode which ultimately led us to
today.Now I’ve skipped ahead a bit from
the first part of this story, but this part of dad’s story is more pertinent to
the freedom from suffering he earned today.Having been faced with the decision we all made, we knew we had no
choice.Dad deserved no more pain.
In the end, he passed
peacefully with his wife, his six children and other significant people in his
life all around him.The room was filled
with anguish, devotion, love and a sense of collective relief as George finally
let go of all that pain.
So long dad!I love you!
It was the sixth of
May…
Though it's been ten years, my dad lives on still, in my heart and in those of all of the people who loved him. Miss you dad! Here's Emeli Sande and Sparrow...
Nine years today. As they say, time has a way of making hurt go away, and the pain felt in my family in these nine years since my dad passed away has surely dissipated. That doesn't mean we haven't forgotten, though. The void that has existed in my family since his passing still exists, and we live with it. We have to.
Solemn anniversaries such as this give us time to pause and to remember, and reflect, which is something my brother and sisters and my mom will all be doing today. Remembering my dad's life, all of the good times and the bad, too. I love to listen to the types of ethereal and inspirational songs in times like these. They help me to reflect in a clearer way. I'm not so sure if my dad had such sunshiney days as the ones promised in the Powers' song, but I hope the sunshine he did experience in his life was realized. Happy 9th Anniversary in Heaven dad!
This is my favorite picture I have of my father. After he passed away back in 2009, we found this painting in the back of his clothes closet and I just thought it was such a beautiful painting of he and his mother, my grandmother. His face never changed over the years and she, well she was such a beauty herself. Today would have been my dad's 76th birthday, and so here's a song just for him...
Every year, on this day, I always have trouble finding just the right song to post. Usually I peruse my own music collection first, then invariably do a Google search for some ideas. I mean, the song has to be special, right? A mother is one of the most pivotal people in anyone's life, the one who had you, the one who takes care of you, the one person who loves unconditionally, and is proud of you no matter what. Lo and behold I found a song I never would have associated with Mother's Day, but was listed on one of those holiday song lists on the Internet, and it's perfect. So check out the classic Loves Me Like a Rock, by Paul Simon, and go out and give your mama some love. Happy Mother's Day!
Today is April 2nd, a day that begins a three-month long reminder of a loss we experienced seven years ago. You see, 75 years ago today, my dad, George Myers, was born. Seven years ago today he celebrated his last birthday, his 68th. One month later, he lost his life after a long, long bout with diabetes, and then of course Father's Day in June marks the third and final day in these three months that we are reminded of his life, his death, and his legacy. Like the old saying goes, you never know what you've got till it's gone and that couldn't be truer than with my father. And I speak for my entire family when I say so.
Looking back on my dad's life, I can't help but think that overall it was a sad one. He immigrated to the United States at a young age, until that point raised by a single mother who ultimately tended to herself more than him. Dropping out of high school in the 10th grade, dad never really had the chance, nor the drive, to be successful. He found himself a father of six children, abandoned by the adoptive father who brought him here and gave him his name, always struggling to keep our heads above water, often resentful for it, and not often happy.
Many of his children, including me, became resentful towards him throughout much of our young lives. He shared a good relationship with no one really, not even mom, and this underscored an unhappy, underlying theme to all of our lives. Later on in life, his real struggles would begin when he was diagnosed with that insidious disease. For more than twenty years, my dad suffered through two rounds of dialysis, numerous surgeries and visits to the emergency room, a kidney transplant, and plenty of mental and physical pain. It was towards this end that many of us really began to realize why he was the way he was. He spent many of his final years in regret, I think, lamenting the isolation he'd created within his own family. After his death, the very depth of his being became clearer of all of us, and in the years since, we have all mourned him and missed him more than any of us ever thought we would.
Every time I look at myself in the mirror, I cannot help but see that I am his son. Our resemblance to one another is unmistakable. Perhaps being the first son and sharing such physical traits with him were the underlying reasons why I was the one who took on the brunt of his wrath during my growing years. Sometimes when I see his face in mine, I can't help but feel a twinge of all those years of conflict and I have to look away. I guess I'll never really rid myself of those younger, more difficult years with him. In a way, though, I think the life I've created for myself has been a positive result of our relationship, for I've always strived to be the antithesis of what he was. Still, I loved him and I do miss him. So for what it's worth, Happy 75th Birthday Dad!
Today is a very special day...my mom's 73rd birthday. Though I don't get to see her too often these days, she lives on in my heart each and every day, and I appreciate her always. She is one special lady, never having had an easy life, yet always with plenty of love to give to all of those around her. This is the most recent picture of us together, taken on Thanksgiving. I'm lucky, aren't I? I got the good fortune of having inherited her good, youthful looking genes. She looks like she could be in her fifties, right? So anyway, Happy Birthday Mamma Mia, and have an awesome day! Love you!
Today marks the sixth anniversary of the death of my father, George Myers, and I want to share a special song by a special artist to mark the occasion. The song is Beam Me Up, and it was written and performed by P!nk for her album The Truth About Love. I've taught this very special song to my class a couple of years ago, and it si so good that they still mention it every once in awhile.
The song speaks of a parallel universe, where nothing breaks and nothing hurts. It becomes obvious from the onset of the tune that someone very special has passed on recently, and all she wants is to be beamed up, just for a minute, so she could stare and hold the person's face one last time. Oh, if only we could all get to make that wish come true for the many people we've lost in our lifetimes, like me with my dad.
I never really appreciated having my dad around while he was alive, at least not until the last few years he was with us, and so for anyone out there who is estranged from his or her father, please remember that no matter how bad a father he was or whatever he might have done to make your relationship strained, he is your father and he does love you! Peace!
