Song of the Day - Chiquitita - ABBA

Chiquitita, tell me what's wrong

You're enchained by your own sorrow

In your eyes there is no hope for tomorrow

How I hate to see you like this

There is no way you can deny it

I can see that you're oh so sad, so quiet

On my way home from work yesterday, I put on my ABBA playlist, just because I can never go too long without listening to them, and suddenly this song came on.  I heard it like I've never heard it before.  You see, yesterday was two months since we lost my sister Chrissy and she'd been on my mind all day.  Without even really paying attention or knowing why, I began to cry, and I cried all the way through the song, my sobs ebbing and flowing all the way until the end.  The release was something I needed.

Chiquitita, tell me the truth

I'm a shoulder you can cry on

Your best friend, I'm the one you must rely on

You were always sure of yourself

Now I see you've broken a feather

I hope we can patch it up together

As I moved on through ABBA Gold, a sense of relief came over me.  My heart's been mending and the tears in the car were the first I'd shed for her in a few weeks.  I guess I was afraid the sorrow had dissapated and I admittedly have been feeling somewhat guilty about it.  But it's still there...I'd just put it on the back burner, as I'm supposed to.

Moving on is a conscious decision that needs to be made, because halting one's life entirely is no way to heal.  It's important to keep living, and still equally important to never forget.   My sister lives on in my heart and in my mind, and even though I've been feeling a lot better than I was even a month ago, I know there will be days and moments, like yesterday, that will bring her spirit rushing back and the sorrow will visit me again.  That's how it's supposed to be!  No guilt because there is no reason to feel guilt.  The way I've been dealing with her loss is normal and healthy.

Chiquitita, you and I know

How the heartaches come and they go and the scars they're leaving

You'll be dancing once again and the pain will end

You will have no time for grieving

Chiquitita, you and I cry

But the sun is still in the sky and shining above you

Let me hear you sing once more like you did before

Sing a new song, Chiquitita

Try once more like you did before

Sing a new song, Chiquitita

After listening to a few more songs, I found myself returning to Chiquitita.  As I read through the lyrics this morning, I realized why the tears had come so out of the blue.  Yeah, the sad anniversary brought Chrissy into my consciousness, but it was the lyrics that brought me to the release of my tears.  In many ways, she was Chiquitita, and I know that in many ways she was so sad and so quiet, with little hope for her own tomorrow, but she is dancing once again and her pain is gone.  In a way, that makes me happy.

I love you Chrissy and I miss you! 

  So the walls came tumbling down

And your love's a blown out candle

All is gone and it seems too hard to handle

Chiquitita, tell me the truth

There is no way you can deny it

I see that you're oh so sad, so quiet